An Amish Education

Did you know Ohio has more Amish people in it than Philadelphia? Did you even know Philadelphia had Amish people in it?

Don’t say I never taught you anything.

The counties just north of Coshocton are primarily Amish. This means, when we go visit the local Wal-Mart, there are often buggies parked outside. Real, honest to goodness buggies with horses. In parking spaces. And the Amish people? They’re inside shopping. Shopping at Wal-Mart.

To me, this raises a few….questions. Why are they even using parking stalls? Parking a buggy in a parking space is so odd, so…unrealistic. Can’t you find a local saloon fencepost? A young stableboy to hold your trusty steeds? Also, why are they even in Wal-Mart? Isn’t it kind of sacrilege, or at least some form of cheating on your Amishness? And what are they buying? Pop Tarts? Affordable linens? Just for Men?

I must know.

Amish people fascinate me. Giving up everything that is helpful and fun. Wearing those crazy beards and bonnets. Every time I see an Amish person I pretty much get starstruck. I try to avert my eyes as though I’m respecting their privacy but really I’m totally trying to get a good look at their face, as though that will finally help me understand them.

I had to share this with Colin. That, and Amish food is unfreakingreal. So my mom, Auntie Deb, Colin and myself piled into the car to take the 45 minute drive to Sugar Creek, the heart of Amish country.

Did I say 45 minutes? I meant 2 hours. Road closures due to high water. Distracted navigators. Twisty roads. All of these factors stretched out our drive.

We were lost here.

Still lost here.

Getting a little less lost with the help of a map.

Nope, still lost.

At last, we reached The Land of the Horse and Buggy.

After two hours of driving in the Ohio wilderness, oh my gosh did I need food. These people….these Amish people…they know how to eat.

Yumy yum yum…yum yum. Yum yum. In the top portion of the picture is a bowl of the yummiest noodles in the world. My vegan aunt was sad she couldn’t eat them, so I promised to learn how to make vegan egg noodles for her. No one should go without homemade noodles.

Colin was so happy. He went for the buffet, meaning he ate everything and an Amish person. And then pie.

Empty plate = Happy Colin.

Because we spent 2 hours marauding the Ohio countryside, we had to turn around and leave pretty quickly after eating. But not before a spectacular animal rescue mission.

Let me start this out by saying that my aunt is the most wonderful pet owner in the world. She will save any stray, feed any barn cat and nurse back to health pretty much any member of the animal world. I think word has gotten out among the animals, because these sneaky little critters seem to have realized that, if they sit on the road, by the road or prance in the middle of the road, my Auntie Deb will take them home and love them forever. Which is (almost) exactly what happened on the way home from Amish country.

Driving down a very curvy road, a gorgeous Australian Shepherd looking dog pranced out into the road, evidently trying to play a little car tag. We pulled over, at which time the dog hopped on to the driver side window to greet us.There were a few houses around, so Auntie Deb hopped out to see if the friendly little pup had managed to escape.

There they go! Turns out the cute dog didn’t belong to any of the neighbors, but a really nice family offered to check around and take the little mutt in if no one came for it. I offered to take him home and love him and name ihim Buckeye, but no one listened.

I hope that puppy is very loved at his new home, or his old home, if they found it.

After our visit to Amish country, I didn’t eat for 24 hours. I couldn’t. I’d ingested half a ham, mashed potatoes, a fruit bowl, fried potato wedges, apple butter rolls, pecan pie and a dish of homemade ice cream.

I really should have held out for an entire week, but we went to my uncle’s house the next night and he made chicken salad, which is totally healthy. See, it all evens out.

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2 Comments on “An Amish Education”

  1. This is just so incredibly fabulous.
    The mystery of the Amish will haunt me every night until I figure out what they purchase at WalMart. Please report back your findings.

  2. […] At first I didn’t understand, but then I remembered this! […]


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